Hey there-hope y’all had a good weekend. It’s hard to believe we’re over halfway through May, and it’s almost Memorial Day weekend! Despite being quarantined, the past two months have honestly gone by pretty quickly for me. They’ve also been a time of great spiritual growth for me as I’ve worked through some things. Speaking of which, today I’m getting vulnerable with y’all and sharing what the Lord has taught me through a particular situation this spring. This blog post is all about how to overcome disappointment when your crush doesn’t like you back.
I’m far from an expert on relationships, but I do have plenty of experience with unreciprocated crushes over the years. However, my latest unreciprocated crush was a bit different, because I was able to pick myself up more quickly. Was I devastated when I first found out that a guy I had been interested in for months had a girlfriend? Absolutely! But by God’s grace, I didn’t stay and wallow in that place of devastation for quite as long. So I want to share some specific things I learned and experienced that helped me move past the disappointment more quickly than in the past. My prayer is that these encourage you if you find yourself in a similar place!
(Photo by Amelia Cassar Photography. Top is old, but originally featured in this post)
Remember That You’re Worth Someone Who Is Excited About You!
Sometimes you just have to face the reality that “he’s just not into you.” That’s a a tough pill to swallow, and it definitely hurts to come to this realization. However, in my most recent unreciprocated crush, I experienced such sweet freedom when I got to this point. Don’t simply stop at the realization that “he’s just not that into you” though. Rather, flip your perspective and realize that you are worth someone who IS into you. If your crush isn’t pursuing you despite having the opportunity, don’t beat yourself up. Someone’s failure to see and/or act upon what you have to offer doesn’t change the fact that you are amazingly created in the image of God and have a lot to offer.
With my most recent experience, my best friend flat out told me that this particular guy wasn’t showing the type of interest and enthusiasm she would want a guy to show me. That was a huge turning point for me because it helped remind me of my worth!
Zephaniah 3:17 reminds me that God “will take great delight in you,” and “will rejoice over you with singing.” God’s design for marriage is meant to be a reflection of His love for His bride, the Church. I can’t expect another human to love me as well as God does. However, I also shouldn’t settle for anything less than someone who delights in me and rejoices in being with me!
Surround Yourself with Encouraging Friends Who Point You to Truth
Talking about how my best friend reminded me that I’m worth a guy who is excited about and jumps at the chance to get to know me better brings me to my next tip for overcoming disappointment when your crush doesn’t like you back. Surrounding myself with friends who listened, spoke encouraging words, and pointed me to Jesus helped me tremendously. Quarantine life has prevented me from being able to physically get together with friends. However, they have loved me so well via texts, phone calls, and Zoom meetings. They’ve also sent me devotionals, and constantly reminded me that my ultimate worth and fulfillment is found in Jesus! As an enneagram 6, I am anxiety prone and constantly imagining worst case scenarios. So having friends remind me to find my ultimate hope in Christ is much needed and such a blessing!
PS. In addition to my friends, being able to talk through this with my therapist also helped. Please don’t hesitate to seek out professional help to process life’s difficulties with!
Remember that Your Crush Isn’t Your Only Shot at a Fulfilling Relationship
Believe me, I know from experience that it’s very easy to get completely fixated on a crush and fantasize about a future together. However, I now realize this is very detrimental thinking, especially when it comes prior to a guy even showing interest. When my most recent crush first got a girlfriend, I struggled with believing the lie that I had lost my best shot at finding someone. Looking back, that sounds so silly, but the feelings were very real at the time.
Yet after having some time to process things, I now realize that this crush never was my only shot at finding the type of godly relationship I desire. Seeing my crush in a relationship forced me to be open to other possibilities. Although this was hard, it was also very liberating. Because I was so interested in this particular guy for months, I hadn’t really considered other guys in my path.
I’m thankful I’m in a much better place now. In fact, if my crush became available again, I wouldn’t be interested solely in him. I now know it’s much healthier to keep my options open and focus on pursuing friendships with brothers in Christ. Although there’s definitely certain qualities I’m looking for in a guy, I have to remember that there’s more than one guy out there who possesses such qualities!
Remember that God Sees the Whole Picture
I have to constantly remind myself that my human perspective is so limited in comparison to God’s all-knowing, infinite wisdom. I may think a particular guy is a great fit for me right now. However, God sees my life and any guy’s life years down the road. He knows who will be the best life partner, not just a good partner in the moment. Therefore, I can trust Him to open the doors that need to be opened. And if God isn’t opening doors for me to date a particular guy, I can rest in knowing that either the guy isn’t His best for me, or it’s not the right timing. Here’s a couple verses that remind me of these truths:
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.” (Psalm 84:11)
“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16)
Remembering that God knows best and resting in His sovereignty is definitely easier said than done! But it’s absolutely a game-changer! Spending time reading Scripture helps with this because when you spend time with God, you get to know His perfect and trustworthy character better.
Keep Your Head Up!
Honestly, it’s hard to fully articulate in words what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown through my most recent unreciprocated crush experience. However, I tried the best I could! I pray that God somehow uses my words to encourage you if you’re struggling right now. And if you’re currently married or in a serious relationship but know someone who would benefit from reading this post, I would be honored if you would share it with them!
Before I sign off, I would also like to share a couple resources with my fellow single girls that have helped me immensely. “Wholeheartedly Devoted” by Natalie Met Lewis is an excellent devotional specifically written for single women. It’s rooted in Scripture, and really helps you view your singleness from an eternal perspective. Although Natalie is married now, she spent many of her young adult years single. So she totally gets what you’re facing right now. The other resource I want to share is the “Every Single Moment” prayer journal by Stephanie May Wilson. This beautifully-bound journal features 100 prompts that help you write out intentional prayers not only for your future husband, but also to help you embrace your life right now!
Do you have anything to share that’s helped you get over a crush? If so, I’d love to hear in the comments!
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-xoxo Liz
